feel breathe Run

I want to feel
    Inside my chest
        With every breath I take
              The spaces where air resides
                     The cold rushing in to my larynx
                            Stretching out my alveoli with each
                                    Deep diaphragmatic contraction and the
                                              Serenity in each emptying of my warmth
                                                      Or perhaps the bloody taste of iron rising
                                                                 Almost past the tip of my confusion run
                                                                         Through that cold cloudy day and the pain
                                                                                That burned my chest passed my throat and
                                                                                          Unable to breathe I knew I had ran my best then
I want to breathe the same today
Relive that memory
That taught me freedom from limitations
Comes through the pain of tearing away
Of body tissues through hard pain
And muscle fibers lost
Replaced by strength tomorrow
I long for this purity of standing alone and being content with the strength creating a new piece of me
I know not how to stand in a place shared without surrendering my whole transparent soul
I want nothing more than feeling the fleeting pain burning as though a pillar of unity with me
Pledging to torment me forever then fleeing with a promise of return
The consuming darkness of your breath withheld as your temple is brought tempting to touch mine
The empty mind activating my subconscious to move even while my stopped breath holding chest up
I do not wish to become breathless if our lungs were to synchronize and this shared space your breath
Blackened the transparency of my soul cutting off the oxygen allowing me to remember to run
I want to run
Alone
                                         Frivolous waves of shared air color my chest
                         I desire to feel that feared pain once again
        And right now this will repeat until something changes

すべて は うつくしい, something I dreamed of long ago

It is the imperfections of your being that reflect so boldly accurate, parallel to mine
The minute corners
                                made of the dust of our crumbled heart bits
                                                                                                     where the cracks concluded
The ones now materialized into those infinitesimal details you seemed to disregard,
but instead to me showed beauty in the brokenness of life.

Like fireflies lined up in a serene field of sparse grass
They adorn the path
                                 that shows me where we go
                                                                               as you spin around in small circles
As thought watching your back, blindly looking for me

The cracks in your heart and the outline they make
     I feel at home                              attempting to nestle in them as though my mother's womb
I trace them as I dance in awe of the scenery,
Misty twilight revealing far-off virgin trees and excitement anticipating to be discovered
                                                                           something I thought would only be seen in dreams

Is it I who is blind in entrancement, not realizing what you have seen?
But I would not be disappointed at your denseness
It is one more detail destined. Will be engraved at its falling along this road

Yet I know there is a reason you choose to be here. . . 

I dance along these as something resonates within me

Are you alive is my existence a dream?

Breaking me down, everything I see surrounding me
The suspense I've held in my chest for so long,
From the wavering of the circumstances that led me, to us here
                                      become shattered armor on the floor
                Embrace me, all that I embrace.

He lives.

Scars are something to be proud of, showing this is what you've endured, 

to say that this if the magnitude of pain you've felt and in spite of this you lived

Just like the resurrected Jesus showed the holes in his hands to Thomas

and Though it was great enough to kill him, he lives.

My head bowed down weary

apr4,12
This is me and mine alone, the serenity that no one will understand
the plain fact that you're here; you're the one that's here
With my head bowed down weary
These white wings become revealed to you
This white pillar of light passing through my head to my chest and these bruised fragile hands you brush softly with your fingertips.
these thoughts running through my head over and over
surrounded by this white, that only you can see
this black night in which no one could touch me 
where my scared, cold soul sunk into my chest
seeing this black surrounding it as though my body itself hadth become part of the dead night 
I find this white, these wings I thought I had burned enveloping me and you the same. These gentle strong hands healing the bruising on mine.    I am alive.