Looking out of this dirty window on a sunny morning 9/19/11

and even when I get past this cutthroat suffocating anger
for all the other perplexities that still boggle my mind
and the clouded anxiety I can't seem to leave behind
in my mouth this taste of losing that still lingers

I'm leaving you anyway while I feel a tugging at my sleeve
a threat no longer here, this one promise ill keep; today my protests cease
This is the last time you'll see my pink face and bloodshot eyes full of tears

and once more I'll declare I know nothing

These five years, two months and three days
have brought to surface the doubting thoughts of that night
You're just the safety net of a weak mind
and yet I still - I still, I still wish I could make excuses

I need you

But on this pretty morning I feel like suicide

and if it's not you pulling me out of the water
I WILL go headfirst into it and drown